As Good As It Gets
by VulcanCheesecake
Summary: Edgar remembers and regrets his years with Sam. But Chris is always there. Set roughly in The Tribe kind of time, with lots of reference to the first movie.


"Sam!" It's a shout of pure terror and panic. Edgar Frog doesn't panic though, never had until he saw _that. _He wakes up, sweating and shaking in his cramped, cold bed, the sheets having been kicked off him. Chris is awake and Edgar realises he's shouted out loud. Again.

"It's okay Eddie," he reassures for the thousandth time, but he doesn't understand that Edgar hates him using that name. Chris can't use that name, _he _used that name and Eddie liked it then because he loved him...

Edgar doesn't love Chris, but he doesn't want to admit it. If he can let himself believe he does for just a little longer. Just a little...

"Go to sleep, Chris," he growls, sleep shaken off him quickly, as he's learned to be able to do over fifteen years of vampire hunting. _Fifteen years. _Here he is, twenty six, still woken up by night terrors. But he'd never had night terrors because of the damn vampires. Not until they worked out how to really hurt.

Chris doesn't know and Edgar doesn't think Chris will ever know, but he stays because he doesn't mind not knowing. Chris is happy enough just to be there for Edgar and Edgar is so grateful just to have _someone, _especially someone who cares about him like Chris does. For a long time nobody did care.

Those days, Edgar remembers well. His parents never did; too busy smoking weed and trying to relive Woodstock. When they moved out of Santa Carla, finally, months after everything began to go downhill, Alan didn't care. He was eighteen by then, Edgar not far off seventeen, sticking to his brother - the only thing he knew.

_Alan had been working desperately hard for at least a couple of years, painstakingly saving enough to get a small trailer (and _nothing_ else) on the edge of a town just next to the one they left. He let Edgar stay out of courtesy and no more, Edgar was sure. _

_He was only there for a couple of years. Edgar managed to save up enough for himself and get his own beat up trailer. There had been no emotion between them when they lived together, acquaintances rather than brothers; the defeat of Santa Carla's coven had changed everything, but their parting was a different story. Edgar packed his few possessions in silence on their last night, and turned to go out the door with nothing but a vague "See you around," when Alan stopped him._

_He drew Edgar into a tight hug, one the younger brother, now eighteen himself, just barely, stiffened against before reciprocating. "We've been through some stuff, huh bro?"  
"Definitely. I want you to promise me something, Eddie."  
"Anythin'"  
"Look after yourself. You know where I am if you ever wanna come back. I'll always be your big brother, right?"  
"Right." Edgar had been a little nervous by then, he remembers.  
"And brothers look out for each other. Remember that if you don't remember nothing else."_

_And he has. Edgar lies awake after those dreams and remembers Alan's words as he left. _

_Less than six months after he moved, Edgar was found. Not by his brother, but by Sam Emerson. The kid – seventeen now, just over half a year younger than Edgar – who'd begged for their help back in Santa Carla those two years ago. It had seemed much longer then, and now it seems to Edgar like it never really happened. It seems like it happened a lifetime ago. _

_And Edgar had let him in, sat him down, offered him coffee and wondered aloud why he was there. _

_It was a sad story, and maybe if Edgar hadn't let himself slip, if he had firmly pushed aside the memories of a darkened bedroom, awkward embraces and trembling, embarrassed adolescent hands as he listened, he wouldn't have done what he did that night and it wouldn't hurt as much now. _

"_Oh Eddie, it's Michael. He ran off with Star as soon as he was sure David was dead. Broke Mom's heart. She loved him more. That proved it, she wouldn't get up and she wouldn't eat or wash, she just drank, drank and ignored me when I begged her to stop, and even her dad considered throwing her out. Mike came back, only to see what he'd left and laughed in her face. I don't know what happened to him. Was it Star? He never used to be a bad kid Eddie. He changed but he still said that I was his brother, and brothers look out for each other so could I lend him money please? And I dunno, I just...I let him have what he wanted. He told me he'd come back and get me outta there so I wouldn't have to stay with what she'd become, but he never did. I saw Star hanging round your shop, maybe she was looking for you...this has to have been about a year ago now, so about a year after we finished the vampires off...I asked her where Michael was and she said 'Michael?' like she didn't know him. And then I asked her again and I got 'He doesn't want anybody. Whatever it was impaled David didn't kill him, he was hiding out, and he came back and Michael went with him and now he doesn't want me, and he doesn't want you'. I looked into her eyes for a lie, but she was telling the truth Eddie, the god damn truth, and my brother don't want me no more."_

_Sam's words had all come out in a rush and Edgar saw the brightening of saltwater in his big brown eyes. He didn't know what to say though, that's a shortcoming of his; he never seems to know the right thing to say. He eventually settled for putting a hand on Sam's shoulder, offering as much as he could. _

"_I went to your shop, I went looking for you, I know I'd kinda ignored you since we finished what I asked of you, but the shop was boarded up. I knew you'd gone then, Eddie, both of you had gone, and I couldn't take it. You hadn't even said goodbye to me and I was so angry, I was so hurt, especially after those nights...do you remember them? Do you even remember?"_

"_Yeah, we left. Didn't wanna stick around a backwards town where our parents didn't care and neither did our friend. Do you really think I had anybody apart from you? After that night me and you actually - oh yeah, I remember all right Sam - after that night you freaked and asked me to leave you never once called or came to see me. I took that as a pretty clear sign you didn't want anything to do with me!" Edgar still had his hand on Sam's shoulder, but he couldn't help adding his own cutting reply. _

_For a long time there was silence between them, Edgar trying to work out if it was hostile or not before admitting in a tiny voice, working around an obstruction in his throat "I've missed you."_

_Sam stiffened under his hand, looking up at him, a tear threading its way down his cheek. Edgar sat beside him, pulling the shaking teen against his own skinny chest. "I've missed you so much sweetheart," he whispered into Sam's ear as Sam convulsed with quiet, breathy sobs against Edgar's shoulder._

_It was true; Edgar had barely slept without some thought of the boy he'd left behind, waking up in the dark, full of helpless longing. Alan knew, Edgar was sure of that, which was why he never said anything as Edgar found his release, sometimes not able to keep back the whisper of that name, and was why Edgar would sometimes find a cool hand on his forehead, a familiar voice telling him to go back to sleep, not intruding or asking anything more. _

Maybe Edgar sleeps with Chris now because it reminds him of these times. He doesn't know. He doesn't know himself any more.

_But Edgar had Sam back, just for a little while. He began to dare to hope, he began to allow himself happiness. He even got back into hunting vampires: ones that had fled Santa Carla had set up here too. But life has a way of ruining everything. _

Edgar remembers Sam being at his side, and suddenly not being there any more. He remembers his shouting, cursing, even then the horrible, sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach; he knew _exactly _what had happened.

_It was only minutes before he found Sam again, but time meant nothing. Edgar was trapped in it as he witnessed the nightmarish scene before him; Sam, held fast by none other than David and Michael, struggling and kicking out desperately. _

_It was David who saw Edgar, and smirked a terrible, self satisfied smirk. He jerked his head and Michael got a firmer grip on Sam, as David himself bound Edgar with impossibly strong fingers, too quickly for the stunned hunter to react. "I want you to watch this." The blonde vampire said, almost gently. "I want you to see the price you pay for destroying my brothers." _

_He nodded, and Michael himself bit into his _own_ wrist. Edgar knew then, what David planned to do, and it was worse, far worse than he could ever have thought. _"Sam!"_ it was a cry full of panic, desperation, pure terror and anguish at what Sam would become._

_When Sam looked up in response to his shout, with eyes full of emotions matching his own, Edgar felt an almost tangible pain in his chest. Was this his heart breaking? Edgar tried to free himself, even though he knew he'd never loosen David's grip, standing stock still when he knew it was all over._

_When Michael pressed his bleeding wrist to Sam's lips, forcing the life giving – and life taking – liquid down his throat. _

_David let go of Edgar then, and Michael let go of Sam, leaving him to fall to the floor. He just laughed as Edgar ran over to Sam, picking him up and pulling him against his chest, shouting in blind rage at David and Michael, angry tears burning and blurring his vision._

_Everything had changed and Edgar couldn't do a damn thing about it. It wasn't long before Sam grew cold, all but shoving Edgar away when he tried to touch him. It wasn't long before Edgar fled again, shivering in the driving, freezing rain, banging on Alan's door in the middle of the night. _

"_Brothers look out for each other..." he mumbled when a sleep-dazed Alan opened the door to him, peering out questioningly. He felt like he was betraying Sam by leaving him alone. But who he'd left wasn't the Sam he knew. It wasn't the Sam he loved. _

_Alan let Edgar in, pulled him close like he used to do when they were both much smaller. Edgar didn't feel nineteen that night. He was that scared and lonely eleven year old again, who had seen his first victim of a vampire and whose brother picked him up off his unresponsive mother's knee and explained to him that that was what happened around here. It was his brother who had listened to his angered vow to try and stop it._

_Eventually, Edgar went back home – not that he could call it that any more, and desperately tried to make Sam listen like he used to. _

But Sam's changed. It isn't just the vampirism, which has almost destroyed him, Edgar can and will help him through that, it's the utter and final betrayal of his brother that's turned him into this unfeeling being of stone. This isn't Sam any more. This is another one of _them. _And Edgar hates that he realises this.

_They went separate ways. Whatever love had been left between them was now only evident in their awkward courtesy. Sam left, back to Santa Carla he said. He didn't need to tell Edgar whereabouts. There was only one place that still linked them, and it never saw the light of day. Not any more. Not since its teenage managers left. _

_Edgar was prepared to leave Sam alone, if Sam left him alone. _

_But he didn't. Of course he didn't. He plagued Edgar's dreams. Not only Edgar's, but Alan's too. He was aggressive, he hurt them. But there was an undercurrent of fear in Sam, that Edgar wished he could have just ignored. There was still that tiny part of the Sam Emerson who found Edgar in the middle of the night all that time ago. _

_Alan warned him against it. Edgar knew it wasn't a good idea. But he met Sam, in the middle of darkened nights, out by the boardwalk they used to spend all their allowance on. He clung desperately to that shred of the boy he used to know. _

_But it was too different. And the night Sam broke the very last hope Edgar had, was the last either of them knew anything any more. Sam tried to bite Edgar, with no intention of bringing him into his own world. Edgar might have been able to stand that, if he could believe Sam loved him and wanted to be with him. _

_But Sam had only wanted to kill him._

Edgar remembers that clearly. It's what he dreams about, it's what he shouts out about.

_He killed Sam. Stole his eternal life because neither of them could bear it any more. _

And Edgar sits bolt upright again, ignoring Chris' pleas for him just to come back to bed. Let Chris follow if he wants. He deserves to know. He shoves on a jacket, needing just to see. Edgar snatches a faded comic book out of his box.

He remembers that all right. The first time he met the bleached blonde, pretty faced boy they called Sammie.

Edgar stays silent as he slams the door behind him, Chris following, pulling on one of Edgar's jumpers. "Wait Eddie, wait!" Edgar does, wanting Chris to know, in a twisted way, as he drives through the haze of his memories with a hand on his arm. One that seems far too small.

Chris is nineteen now. Seven years younger than Edgar. The age he and Sam were when it all started.

Chris knows to keep quiet. He knows Edgar. And Edgar is grateful. _It's Chris who broke the long stretch of loneliness and darkness after Sam died, calling for Edgar's help and then...staying with him afterwards._

They're here. Edgar isn't breathing as he steps out of that car, still saying nothing, the comic in his hand. Chris has no idea why he has a comic, but he respects Edgar. He follows at a distance, reading Edgar like he's so willing and able to do, letting him take the steps into the Santa Carla cemetery, kneeling by a grave that's fairly new; it's only been there a year, and leaving the comic on it.

Edgar stands there for endless moments after giving to Sam all he has to give, all that symbolises what they were and what they will always be to Edgar. He hears someone crying quietly, and wonders who else is here.

It's only when he feels a hand in his own that he realises it's him.

He hasn't cried for Sam before. But it's all right that he is now, because Chris is here. Chris will always be here with his glance at the headstone. He knows everything, more or less, in the name. He's seen the photo Edgar thinks is hidden. He knows.

"Come on Eddie. Let's go home." Because it _is _home. Together. And Edgar nods and follows him back to the car. Sam is gone. Edgar has Chris now. He drives back, again in silence, Chris' arm across his shoulders, reflecting in thought rather than sorrow now. His thoughts scare him, but not like his memories do. He says the words that have been there without his knowing.

"I love you." Chris never thought he'd hear it, but as he lies beside Edgar, in their cramped and dirty _home, _the sacred, taboo words are whispered. And it's perfect. As perfect as Edgar's life gets anyway.


End file.
